Because of the process involved in making these strips, it’s not uncommon for me to write a script and send it on to D to do the art and lettering only to get the finished strip back a week later to realize I was clearly in a grumpy ass mood when I wrote it. This is one of those.
I honestly don’t have a problem with monogamy as a conscious choice one makes for themselves, but the monocentric values of our society are so often weaponized against myself and my loved ones. The fact that I’m so open about being ethically non-monogamous, to the point of being a D-list public figure for polyamory, has made it dangerous for people in certain careers or that have children by shitty exes to be openly involved with me. That kind of thing pisses me off and sometime that leads to me taking shots at monogamists I don’t really mean.
I will totally stand by romance as a genre having terrible consent messaging and part of that is its frequent promotion of the toxic possessiveness that less healthy monogamists really lean into. So, I don’t think Bernard is wrong in this strip. I just regret that he didn’t speak his mind more eloquently.
On a side note, I want to thank anyone who contributed to my friend Maddi’s Medical Expense Fundraiser and ask again that any who are able and charitably inclined please contribute. She’s one of the dearest people in the world to me and deeply appreciate anything anyone does to ease her struggle.
Lastly, a plug for the next Stigma Unbound event, Whore Haus on August 23 & 24. If you’re in the NYC area and support sex worker rights, please drop in. There’s a good chance you’ll find me there (though I can’t guarantee it).
I’ve had to field this sort of thing a lot, and my response is pretty much the same. I’ll never regret the good times I shared with someone even if a relationship ends before I wanted to. Yes, I always mourn the end of a relationship, but in the same way I mourn the death of a friend. When a friend dies, I don’t bellyache about how I wish I’d never spent all those years putting time and energy into cultivating that friendship. I cherish the memories we created together, however sad it might make me that we won’t be making more. I don’t see why the end of a romantic relationship should be any different. Time wasted being bitter is time that could be being used to form new connections. I want to always more towards where more love is, not stay stuck in an empty space where love used to be.
This strip was supposed to come out at the beginning of the month as the end of the mental health hiatus I’ve been on and the beginning of a series of Pride related strips. Obviously, I fucked up and my hiatus apparently needed to be longer. But I wanted to make sure this one got out before the NYC Pride March on the 30th since it was already done.
Hopefully I’ll be back to regular strips soon, but I’m not making any promises I’m not sure I can keep.
For as long as I can remember, the Polyamory community has had a strangely sex negative segment that was largely born of the desire to distance themselves as much as possible from the widespread assumptions by people outside of the community that polyamory was all about fucking around indiscriminately. It’s why, despite the huge amount of common ground they share, a lot of the polyamory community holds animosity towards the swinging community…something that largely goes one way since people in the swinging community don’t have any anxiety over being mistaken for polyamorists and being scorned for being all about love. These purists afraid to admit that a lot of loving relationships start from a place of sexual desire were the first to start talking about “true polymory”.
However, as Polyamory has really been taking off in the last ten years or so as far as the attention it’s been getting in the media, the demographics of the polyamory community have undergone a huge shift and consequentially an influx of new ideas. This has largely been a good thing, but one of the less pleasant side effects is that there’s are now a multitude of new ways for people, according to other people, to be “doing polyamory wrong.” Instead of just one group of assholes slut shaming people who are more sexually open than them, we have a whole new group of assholes who are basically commitment shaming people whose style of polyamory involves any elements they don’t like.
I think it’s important to remember that Polyamory as a movement has no deities. There is no one true model everyone is meant to mold themselves and their relationships to. There aren’t even any basic rules. Even the basic definition of polyamory meaning “many loves” is as open to personal interpretation as the independent words “love” and “many”. I mean, isn’t someone with two romantic partners really just practicing duoamory? Two doesn’t seem like “many” to me. That’s exactly how pedantic anyone who starts talking about “true polyamory” seems to me.
If anyone is wondering what Audrey’s response was to one of her boyfriends running it by her that he was thinking of asking out one of her girlfriends on a proper date, she squeeed with delight. She ships Isaac and Joy pretty hard.
There appears to have been a failure of communication here. Some people just like a well crafted endorphin cocktail and others like to push the limits of endurance. Preferences really should be sorted out before play happens, but during play it’s never a good idea to not let your top know when you’ve reached the point you’re not having fun anymore.