Deviant Life #33

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For as long as I can remember, the Polyamory community has had a strangely sex negative segment that was largely born of the desire to distance themselves as much as possible from the widespread assumptions by people outside of the community that polyamory was all about fucking around indiscriminately. It’s why, despite the huge amount of common ground they share, a lot of the polyamory community holds animosity towards the swinging community…something that largely goes one way since people in the swinging community don’t have any anxiety over being mistaken for polyamorists and being scorned for being all about love.  These purists afraid to admit that a lot of loving relationships start from a place of sexual desire were the first to start talking about “true polymory”.

However, as Polyamory has really been taking off in the last ten years or so as far as the attention it’s been getting in the media, the demographics of the polyamory community have undergone a huge shift and consequentially an influx of new ideas. This has largely been a good thing, but one of the less pleasant side effects is that there’s are now a multitude of new ways for people, according to other people, to be “doing polyamory wrong.”  Instead of just one group of assholes slut shaming people who are more sexually open than them, we have a whole new group of assholes who are basically commitment shaming people whose style of polyamory involves any elements they don’t like.

I think it’s important to remember that Polyamory as a movement has no deities. There is no one true model everyone is meant to mold themselves and their relationships to.  There aren’t even any basic rules. Even the basic definition of polyamory meaning “many loves” is as open to personal interpretation as the independent words “love” and “many”. I mean, isn’t someone with two romantic partners really just practicing duoamory? Two doesn’t seem like “many” to me.  That’s exactly how pedantic anyone who starts talking about “true polyamory” seems to me.

 

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Deviant Life #32

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If anyone is wondering what Audrey’s response was to one of her boyfriends running it by her that he was thinking of asking out one of her girlfriends on a proper date, she squeeed with delight. She ships Isaac and Joy pretty hard.

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Deviant Life #31

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There appears to have been a failure of communication here. Some people just like a well crafted endorphin cocktail and others like to push the limits of endurance. Preferences really should be sorted out before play happens, but during play it’s never a good idea to not let your top know when you’ve reached the point you’re not having fun anymore.

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Deviant Life #30

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Being a parent is one of my favorite things in the world, but I completely understand how some people would feel just the opposite.

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Deviant Life #29

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I’ll admit this was kind of a long way to go for a King Missile reference.  The song’s been stuck in my head for weeks and I was hoping this would exorcise it.

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Deviant Life #28

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The last time Dace appeared, he was being an ass to Audrey and a lot of people suggested she should dump him. I definitely understand why people would feel that way and they’re not necessarily wrong. Of Audrey’s five partners, her relationship with him is the most strained by far.  They do love each other though, and one of the lovely things about polyamory is being able to maintain a loving connection even when you’re not a great fit for each other. Their relationship thrives off their respect for each others boundaries and the parameters those boundaries create for their relationship.  They are outsiders to each other’s core lives, but they have a small but (usually) happy place in the middle that they create together.

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Deviant Life #27

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This one is overdue because I’m a dumbass that writes scripts while half asleep then sends them to my artist without proofreading them, then notices errors while getting ready to post the strip.

Valentine’s Day can be a weird holiday when you’re polyamorous. Personally, I don’t celebrate it if I can at all avoid it, but obviously it’s a big deal for a lot of people and it can be a beautiful and fun thing but also a common catalyst for spikes in jealousy, competitiveness, and leveraging of couple’s privilege.

(Discerning Deviant is supported entirely through reader sponsorship via the Discerning Deviant Patreon and can also be followed on Facebook, TumblrTwitter, or Instagram.)