Deviant Life #34

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This strip was supposed to come out at the beginning of the month as the end of the mental health hiatus I’ve been on and the beginning of a series of Pride related strips. Obviously,  I fucked up and my hiatus apparently needed to be longer. But I wanted to make sure this one got out before the NYC Pride March on the 30th since it was already done.

Hopefully I’ll be back to regular strips soon, but I’m not making any promises I’m not sure I can keep.

(Discerning Deviant is supported entirely through reader sponsorship via the Discerning Deviant Patreon and can also be followed on Facebook, TumblrTwitter, or Instagram.)

Deviant Life #33

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For as long as I can remember, the Polyamory community has had a strangely sex negative segment that was largely born of the desire to distance themselves as much as possible from the widespread assumptions by people outside of the community that polyamory was all about fucking around indiscriminately. It’s why, despite the huge amount of common ground they share, a lot of the polyamory community holds animosity towards the swinging community…something that largely goes one way since people in the swinging community don’t have any anxiety over being mistaken for polyamorists and being scorned for being all about love.  These purists afraid to admit that a lot of loving relationships start from a place of sexual desire were the first to start talking about “true polymory”.

However, as Polyamory has really been taking off in the last ten years or so as far as the attention it’s been getting in the media, the demographics of the polyamory community have undergone a huge shift and consequentially an influx of new ideas. This has largely been a good thing, but one of the less pleasant side effects is that there’s are now a multitude of new ways for people, according to other people, to be “doing polyamory wrong.”  Instead of just one group of assholes slut shaming people who are more sexually open than them, we have a whole new group of assholes who are basically commitment shaming people whose style of polyamory involves any elements they don’t like.

I think it’s important to remember that Polyamory as a movement has no deities. There is no one true model everyone is meant to mold themselves and their relationships to.  There aren’t even any basic rules. Even the basic definition of polyamory meaning “many loves” is as open to personal interpretation as the independent words “love” and “many”. I mean, isn’t someone with two romantic partners really just practicing duoamory? Two doesn’t seem like “many” to me.  That’s exactly how pedantic anyone who starts talking about “true polyamory” seems to me.

 

(Discerning Deviant is supported entirely through reader sponsorship via the Discerning Deviant Patreon and can also be followed on Facebook, TumblrTwitter, or Instagram.)

Deviant Life #31

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There appears to have been a failure of communication here. Some people just like a well crafted endorphin cocktail and others like to push the limits of endurance. Preferences really should be sorted out before play happens, but during play it’s never a good idea to not let your top know when you’ve reached the point you’re not having fun anymore.

(Discerning Deviant is supported entirely through reader sponsorship via the Discerning Deviant Patreon and can also be followed on Facebook, TumblrTwitter, or Instagram.)

Deviant Life #30

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Being a parent is one of my favorite things in the world, but I completely understand how some people would feel just the opposite.

(Discerning Deviant is supported entirely through reader sponsorship via the Discerning Deviant Patreon and can also be followed on Facebook, TumblrTwitter, or Instagram.)

Deviant Life #28

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The last time Dace appeared, he was being an ass to Audrey and a lot of people suggested she should dump him. I definitely understand why people would feel that way and they’re not necessarily wrong. Of Audrey’s five partners, her relationship with him is the most strained by far.  They do love each other though, and one of the lovely things about polyamory is being able to maintain a loving connection even when you’re not a great fit for each other. Their relationship thrives off their respect for each others boundaries and the parameters those boundaries create for their relationship.  They are outsiders to each other’s core lives, but they have a small but (usually) happy place in the middle that they create together.

(Discerning Deviant is supported entirely through reader sponsorship via the Discerning Deviant Patreon and can also be followed on Facebook, TumblrTwitter, or Instagram.)

Deviant Life #27

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This one is overdue because I’m a dumbass that writes scripts while half asleep then sends them to my artist without proofreading them, then notices errors while getting ready to post the strip.

Valentine’s Day can be a weird holiday when you’re polyamorous. Personally, I don’t celebrate it if I can at all avoid it, but obviously it’s a big deal for a lot of people and it can be a beautiful and fun thing but also a common catalyst for spikes in jealousy, competitiveness, and leveraging of couple’s privilege.

(Discerning Deviant is supported entirely through reader sponsorship via the Discerning Deviant Patreon and can also be followed on Facebook, TumblrTwitter, or Instagram.)

Deviant Life Anniversary #1

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The anniversary of the first Deviant Life strip coming out was actually yesterday, but because Deviant Life artist D. White and I have those nasty things called day jobs, this had to wait until today.

Working on Deviant Life for the last year has been great fun and I really appreciate all the love and support the strip has gotten.

(Discerning Deviant is supported entirely through reader sponsorship via the Discerning Deviant Patreon and can also be followed on Facebook, TumblrTwitter, or Instagram.)

Deviant Life #26

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A friend posted the question of what furniture I’d want to come back as. My initial answer was my favorite female singer’s sybian, but I thought it would be more true to the Deviant Life spirit for it to be my favorite porn star’s instead.

(Discerning Deviant is supported entirely through reader sponsorship via the Discerning Deviant Patreon and can also be followed on Facebook, TumblrTwitter, or Instagram.)

Deviant Life #25

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Deviant Life isn’t the first time D.White and I have worked on an online comic project together, as we’ve been friends for the better part of three decades. The world has only seen a tiny sliver of the stuff we’ve created together since we met in seventh grade.

A long, long time ago there was Roth & Earl, a comic about a redneck and a goth being roommates.  Sadly, I didn’t really know what the hell I was doing back then so it never got much of an audience and most of the strips have only survived my lack of organizational skills in terrible resolution messes. I really loved those characters, though, and had been thinking about working Rhianna into the cast already when D. White suggested we do a triple-size Deviant Life/Roth & Earl crossover for Deviant Life’s 25th strip.

Rhianna and Roth’s Sadistic/masochistic dynamic had been mentioned a few times throughout the Roth & Earl strips and it was established that they weren’t entirely monogamous either so Rhianna joining the cast wasn’t any kind of stretch for her character.  I was also looking for a way to establish that Bernard was a switch so it just seemed natural to make Rhianna and Bernard an item.

I could probably count on my fingers the number of people I know who remember Roth & Earl, so really this crossover is pretty self-indulgent, but I also know that a bunch of those who do remember are going to squee hard over seeing these characters again. I just hope those who don’t know these characters still enjoy it too.

(Discerning Deviant is supported entirely through reader sponsorship via the Discerning Deviant Patreon and can also be followed on Facebook, TumblrTwitter, or Instagram.)

Deviant Life #24

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As someone who is is always polyamorous but occasionally has been involved in swinging, I’ve often found myself caught between people who don’t understand that polyamory isn’t about pursuing casual sex for purely recreational purposes and people who don’t understand that being polyamorous doesn’t preclude being able to do exactly that.

While the polyamory community has definitely been opening up a lot more in recent years to the idea that sex can be enjoyed outside of long term relationships, as relationships anarchists and those who practice solo polyamory have created more visibility for low enmeshment relationship models, there’s still a lot of people that like to slut shame and tut-tut about “real” polyamory when people are having sex more casually than they think is appropriate.

A lot of it comes from reflexive defensiveness over frequent accusations that polyamory IS just about fucking around, but the level of sex negativity can reach nearly puritan levels when they scoff as sex without commitment as though that hasn’t been standard in even “monogamous” dating culture for as long as my 42 year old ass can remember. A lot of my most loving relationships started with a friendly sexual hook up that sparked a realization that there was a strong emotional connection there and we decided to build on it.

No, polyamory doesn’t mean just fucking around, but neither does it mean you have to be deeply enmeshed in a committed relationship to fuck. Love and sex are different things that go together amazingly well, but it doesn’t diminish one to enjoy the other independently.

In Discerning Deviant news, I’m excited for the next couple of weeks as not only will the next new Deviant Life strip post next weekend instead of the one after in order to catch us up for missing an update over the holidays, but it will be a triple sized update.

As a side note, if you like the idea of Deviant Life strips going up weekly instead of bi-weekly, consider chipping into out Patreon. As of this writing, we’re only $35/month away from reaching our goal before going weekly for real.

(Discerning Deviant is supported entirely through reader sponsorship via the Discerning Deviant Patreon and can also be followed on Facebook, TumblrTwitter, or Instagram.)